A Penny Times Twenty
by Wonder Squint
Summary: A collection of spontaneous thoughts from both Max and Mike to each other, based on words chosen at random. Set between Season 2 and 3 while they're apart.


_Summary: A collection of spontaneous thoughts from both Max and Mike to each other, based on words chosen at random. Set between Season 2 and 3 while they're apart._

_A little something to help tide you all over while I try to regain my muse for "Vendetta". These are thoughts and thusly, messy at times but they're certainly simple enough to comprehend. I've purposely chosen not to state clearly who is addressing who, even though it's mostly obvious which of them the thoughts belong to. Please read, review and enjoy._

_Also, thanks to Chloe for helping me decide which format to take this and to my boyfriend, for humouring me at 2am, suggesting words until he fell asleep._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

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><p><strong>A PENNY TIMES TWENTY<strong>

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><p><strong>Taste<br>**I hate that I still taste you when I kiss him. He's not you but the taste of you is stained onto my tongue. He's not you - he isn't, and I hate myself for wishing he was.

**Selfish  
><strong>Maybe someday you'll realise that I'm not worth it. For your sake, and for my love of you, I hope that you do. But I'm selfish, and I also hope that you don't.

**Enough**  
>I wanted to be enough for you - enough to make you forget; enough to make you stay. Apparently I wasn't. Who do i blame for that?<p>

**Weapon**  
>I love you, and that means you are the weapon that he'll use against me. I left to ensure he doesn't get the chance.<p>

**Memory  
><strong>Its been over three months and the memory of you – your voice; your eyes and the way my skin burned beneath your touch – still haunts me. You're not the one I should be thinking about at 3 AM.

**Monster**  
>I'm trying not to become the monsters I'm protecting you from. My biggest fear is that you'll lose faith in me, thinking I'll fail.<p>

**Broken**  
>My heart hurts and the worst thing about a broken heart is not missing the one who caused it. No. It's forgetting what it felt like before it was ever broken.<p>

**Him  
><strong>I'm sure they'll all say that my thirst for vengeance is at the very forefront of my mind, but truly, there's nothing I want more than to be the man I could've been for you. You deserved him.

**Drowning**  
>I miss you often, more than I ought to. It comes in waves. And tonight - the anniversary of your father's death: the night you found me in the woods - I'm drowning.<p>

**Reason**  
>You were the only reason for me to stay behind. And, in letting you leave me first, that reason was gone. You weren't mine anymore. How could I stay and watch you become someone else's?<p>

**Storm**  
>Loving you has taught me to understand why hurricanes are named after people.<p>

**Deserve**  
>I never deserved you or the love you had to give. You are beyond everything any man could ask for. And I absolutely don't deserve you. At least, that's what i keep telling myself whenever i have the urge to return home.<p>

**Contradict**  
>It's amazing how loving you has been both the easiest and hardest thing I've ever done. You're the biggest contradiction. I've ever known.<p>

**Stay**  
>Under better circumstances, where the odds are very much in our favour, I would've stayed. Had you asked me then too, I would've stayed.<p>

**Wrong  
><strong>You're no good for me, I know. Ryan tells me, and you, that I deserve more than what you can give me. You're all wrong for me, he says, but do I care? I didn't then and I don't now. I don't care as long as the wrong feels right.

**Exes**  
>At one point, i thought about the other men you've been with - who have had you and loved you, as I have. Though, I can't comprehend how any of them could love anyone after loving you. You're the type of woman a man meets when he is a boy, so as to mourn the loss for the rest of his life.<strong><br>**  
><strong>More<br>**You think so little of yourself, you always have, at least while I've known you. It's understandable but you never listened when I told you otherwise. And though we're no longer together, I'll remind you until I'm blue in the face that you're more than the things that make you hate yourself. You deserve me just as much as I deserve something better.

**Angel**  
>I needed far more kindness than I deserve. Surely you knew this, but you gave it to me anyway. You're nothing short of an angel, hiding a halo behind your back and God forbid I clip your wings with my filthy, tainted heart.<p>

**Shame  
><strong>I'm ashamed because I know I should want better for myself and I have absolutely no idea how to get there. I don't know if I want to.

**Home**  
>I regret it now, leaving you. I never thought it was possible to miss someone so much. Had I known I wouldn't have left. I'm sorry I did but, I'm coming back to you. I'm coming home.<p>

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><p><em>If it's well received, I may add to this with some more thoughts since it's easier and quicker to write than "No Matter How They Toss The Dice" – which I will be continuing as well. Thank you for reading.<br>_


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